Rene Sinnya says that “Holding onto anger is like grasping hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else – you are the one that gets burnt.”
Man oh Man – that one certainly got to me. You see, I have held onto my anger for years. The only person that got hurt was me. My days were spent in a red haze and my nights were spent with nightmares, where I heard bones break as I smashed the nameless, faceless, unwilling participants of my horrific dreams.
So how did that hurt me – simply hitting someone in my dreams did not hurt me (or them for that matter), in any way?
Wrong, wrong, wrong again! Apart from anything else, the level of rest that I got during my sleep was seriously limited!
Being in a rage ensured that I was always tense, muscles clenched and bunched in knots. The knots went all the way up my spine and up through my brain stem and this resulting in the most excruciating headaches and migraines and the bottom line was that my perception was always that the ‘glass was half empty.”
What about the objects of my anger – how were they affected. Well I don’t think that they even remembered that I existed! How cruel is that?
It took a while – it took a really long while, but I eventually learnt – to let go of the anger. “Just let it go” said Vanessa, my mentor. “How” was my standard reply.
Here’s the thing, if those that you are angry with don’t really give a rats bum, then what’s the point? If they don’t even realize that you exist – then really, what is the point?
Just imagine your clenched fist slowly open and the anger dissipating, watch as it disappears into the ether!
It give me great pleasure these days, to watch the expressions on the faces of Johannesburg taxi drivers (or in fact any drivers) who look at me in astonishment as I smile and wave at them in direct response to their giving me ‘the finger’ in rush hour traffic!
It always brings a smile to my face.